Assistance in the self-help section: One-legged man looking for 8 track tapes of the 10 Commandments

My good friend George is 59 years old. He was born in Puerto Rico and grew up in St. Croix. He speaks something like Spanglishyamon. George is very difficult to understand, but not when he’s yelling at the top of his voice. One thing you must know about George, he’s an amputee. He lost his leg to cancer, so he rides his “Cadillac” wheelchair. I took George on his first field trip to Borders today. He thought we were at the market (or so he called it). I soon found out George has alternative definitions for a lot of things.

George was so excited when we went in, he wheeled off immediately. His five dollars were definitely burning a hole in his pocket. So I am perusing and all of a sudden I hear George yelling, “This store is too expensive.” (Apply the broken accent) He was asking a clerk, “Why are you selling the book for fifteen dollars??!! This should only be two!!” Then he starts mumbling to himself about the crooks that run this book store in no quiet tone. (I found out later that George hates to read) After a few minutes I don’t hear him anymore until he finds a kiddie thermos that he started admiring dearly. Then he read the price tag. “PASTOR BRIAN This place is a ripoff!!! I have one just like this at home that I got for free at the Goodwill.” I am shades of purple because now everyone has linked me with George. I quickly overcame my embarrassment and decided to make the most of this.

So, I wheeled George over to the audio books and he starts yelling how Borders was no good because they don’t have 8 tracks. (ahem, right next to the magazine lounge) Everyone is getting a huge kick out of this. So, I just stood there purposefully arguing with George,

“No, they don’t make 8 tracks.”

“Yes, I just bought an 8 track player at Kmart last month.”

“No, George, that was DVD player.”

“Oh, well I want an 8 track of Moses and the Ten Commandments.”

“George do you mean VHS?”

“Yes, the video 8 Tracks.”

I gave up and chuckled. It was the funnest trip to the bookstore I have ever had. The dichotomy was so profound.